Spiritual Solutions

Stop trying to fix your family and friends, they won’t thank you for it!
Happiness, Intention, and Karma

A good way to frustrate yourself, waste time, and create tension in your relationships is by trying “fix” your family and friends.

We have all experienced the aggravation that arises from trying to help a loved one or a friend only to have our advice and intentions ignored, belittled, or used as ammunition in the battle for “whose right.”

The reason why our seemingly good intentions fail, is because the deeper, truer, inner intention is tainted by self gratification.
 
For example:  Mary has a friend Betsy, who is always depressed.  Mary loves Betsy and wants help her.  Mary treats Betsy to lunch, buys her spiritually uplifting books to read, recommends seminars and classes to take, tells Betsy what a terrific person she is, and so on. 

Mary’s thoughts about Betsy are often, “she’s such a great person.  If she’d only…..she’d be so much happier.”  Mary’s feelings about Betsy range from frustration, to pity, and back again because although Betsy complains a lot she will not listen to Mary.
 
Why aren’t Mary’s efforts to help her friend working?  Does Mary truly see her friend as complete, whole, and perfect?  Or does Mary see someone who needs “fixing” or saving?  How do you think Mary will feel once her friend is fixed?  Who is she really trying to make feel better? 

Mary’s inner/subconscious intentions are in conflict with her outer/conscious intentions.  Mary’s conflicting intentions contaminates the outcome, thus Betsy never gets “fixed” and Mary remains frustrated.  This happens for a number reasons: 

1.  Since Betsy complains a lot about her life situation, we can assume that Betsy sees herself and her life as flawed.
Mary perceives Betsy’s complaining as a desire to be “fixed” or helped in some way.  Unfortunately, Mary’s attempts at helping her friend fail because her perception of Betsy is of someone who is broken…thus Mary unwittingly perpetuates Betsy’s negative self image.

The law of karma states that  every action (intention) has an equally corresponding reaction (manifestation).  Thus, Mary continues to feel frustrated in her friendship because her feelings about Betsy are negative to begin with.  That is, she can not create a positive outcome for herself and her friend as long as she is coming from a negative inner space.  Mary does not really believe that Betsy is a terrifically whole person, her deeper belief is that there is something wrong with Betsy that needs fixing.

2.  There is a Hindu saying that only a god can worship a god.  What this means is that when we are in the awareness of our inherent and divine perfection we see It in the world around us.  Conversely, when we are in lack consciousness, we will see lack in others, in our relationships, and in our world.

Since Mary’s attention is not on her own perfection, Mary’s perceived inadequacies of Betsy are an unconscious mirror of Mary’s own perceived inadequacies. Here Mary’s deeper unconscious intention in fixing Betsy, who represents the outer world, is about Mary feeling better and ultimately more complete.

3.  It is possible that Mary has a “savior” or a “martyr” identity.  Thus Mary’s need to fix Betsy, will enhance and feed
this ego identity.  When Betsy doesn’t listen to Mary, the “savior” feels frustration. The “martyr” identity is perpetuated also when Betsy doesn’t listen because now Mary’s thoughts and feelings revolve around self-pity.

4.  The ego (unconscious, uncontrolled, and reactive thinking) thrives on feelings of power.  If Mary was very present during her time with Betsy, especially when the conversation or her actions revolved around fixing Betsy, there would be a tingling sensation in the solar plexus, accompanied by a feeling of power or superiority.  Why?  Because Mary knows more than Betsy about how to fix Betsy’s life, what books to read, and so on.

This Week’s Mindfulness Practice:
1. Be mindful of your intentions.  What’s really motivating you in your relationships? 
2.  Work on feeling your own completeness and acknowledge the completeness of others.

For more on topics about relationships and personal freedom, please attend my “A New Earth Workshop:  Working with the teachings of Eckhart Tolle,” begining July 8th or my “Women’s Wisdom Workshop.”

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Truth is not written to stimulate the mind or to create another empty belief system. So when reading the quotation below, or any other spiritual texts or essays, it is important to feel your way through the material.

Know that wisdom is integral to your being…ask and ye shall know.

Quote for contemplation: “…a spiritually awake person…looks with compassion on those whom he knows are in ignorance of their true identity or those who do not understand the nature of God’s world,” (The Contemplative Life, by Joel Goldsmith).

Question for contemplation: What is the difference between pity and compassion?

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Every moment of everyday our internal guidance system, i.e. our intuition, is at work directing each of us towards experiencing and expressing our highest good.

Unfortunately, most of us second guess our intuitive impulses, mulling the various outcomes around in our heads for hours or even days in search of the right answer.

We mistrust our intuition, not because we don’t feel it, but because we have forgotten that everything we need for our desire to manifest is contained within the desire.

Instead we debate all of the pros and cons and loose time, energy and focus. More importantly we loose touch with the initial flame of our desire thus extinguishing it with our deliberation.

The habit of “second guessing” arises from our preoccupation with the outcome. Part of being here is to experience what happens along the way when we follow the spark of our desires.

Try This: When cooking dinner or getting dressed for work, follow your initial desire. In other words, if you have the desire to put cinnamon in the chili, try it. If you have the desire to wear a red tie or blouse to work, then do it.

Throughout your day, notice how often you stop to “deliberate” even the smallest desire and ask yourself, “Am I second guessing?” Then go back to the initial feeling of desire (if you can remember it) and follow it through. But Be Forewarned! There is a difference between being compulsive and being intuitive. I trust you’ll know the difference.

You never know when a small spark of desire to wear a red tie will turn into and even greater inspiration, or if simply wearing it makes you feel good that day.

Say this with me: “I hear, I trust, and I respond to my internal guidance system. It serves me well.”

P.S. Read, “The Alchemist,” by Paul Coelho. Find out what happens to a young man when he follows the spark of his desires.

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The difference between a mystic and a believer is where the believer will agree with a statement of truth, the mystic will journey into the heart of that truth.

We all have the potential to be mystics, to be knowers of the Truth and Lovers of Life.

The life of the mystic requires commitment and a consistent spiritual practice that includes study, meditation, contemplation, prayer and service.

Unless we commit to mystic’s path we will only be living on the edges of what could be rather then living in the midst of what is.

Say this with me now: “I am a knower of Divine Love. I express this Love in my thoughts, in my actions, and in my life. I am a supreme mystic, I am a revealer of love divine.”

From “Walden,” by Henry David Thoreau: “To be a philosopher [mystic] is not merely to have subtle thoughts, nor even to found a school, but so to love wisdom [God] as to live according to its dictates, a life of simplicity, independence, magnanimity, and trust.”

Would you like to suggest a class topic? Post your suggestions and if we explore your topic, you get to attend the class for free!

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Everyone comes to the earth with what I call, “A Spiritual Tool Box.” This tool box contains everything that you’ll ever need to navigate through your life. Your environment, your genetic makeup, your temperament, the vibration of your name and the astrological vibration of your birth date are all necessary tools for this earth journey. But the most important tool that you were given is one that you probably aren’t even aware of or use, and it is the voice of your intuition.

Your intuition is the voice of the Universe (God, Source, Soul etc…) speaking to you and speaking through you. Your intuition will guide you into wholeness, It will speed you to recovery, It will lead you into your abundance, It will find you a better relationship, It will take you by the hand into every good that you can possibly imagine. Unfortunately, we live in an environment that eschews the intuitive impulse for the surety of reason, thus most of us have put our most valuable tool for this life-time away somewhere. We have forgotten that we even have an intuition, let alone where it is or how to access it.

Your emotions as well as your physical feelings are the doorway to your intuition. The more tuned in you are to your body the more intuitive you become. Since women tend to be more in tune with their bodies than men, accessing their intuition feels more natural. For many men, the idea of accessing his feelings physical or otherwise is uncomfortable at best. However, a man who is in tune with his intuitive voice will not turn into a puddle of goo, or be dying to see “Sex in the City: The Movie,” but will be in tune with his most primal self. Male or female the key to unlocking your intuition is through the body.

Try this: When feeling stressed or challenged this week, try breathing deeply. This will lower your blood pressure and help you to feel more calm and balanced. Then (and this is the important part), ask yourself “what am I feeling, and where am I feeling it?” Between the top of your head and the seat of your pants there is a physiological sensation associated with every emotion.

At first it can be challenging to locate the epicenter of your emotion, but I promise you it’s there. Over time you’ll become very familiar with what you’re feeling and where you’ll feeling it. This practice will help you to become the intuitive whole person that you already are. Remember, you were alive before you were born. You knew that you were going to make this journey and you came prepared.

Namasté
Krista

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I’ve spent most of my day today learning about the blogging Universe.  I found that the most popular blogs were dedicated to technical stuff and political stuff.  I found a couple of sites that seem to share some of my same interests, but I haven’t had time to research them in-depth yet. 

Everyday I think of my personal goals.  They change based on my mood and my needs, but there’s one goal that came to mind recently, one that I’m feeling passionate about… it’s leaving this world in a better place then where I found it, and my sense is is that the Internet can help me with this goal. 

The world is small.  I can reach across the globe just as easily as I can reach across the table to touch my husbands hand.  It’s wonderful, and filled with possibilities and potentialities.   Too often we focus on what we don’t have, how the world is imperfect and how the people in it are flawed.  As a writer and a teacher, I am concerned with how to make ”the positive” interesting.  This can be challenging when ”the negative” is often more titillating, but challenge is a good thing.   

 What I’d like to create here is a community of people that are interested in  feeling good, conscious parenting, listening, tolerance, letting go of dogmas and spiritual awakening. 

I am knowing a beautiful present for all.

Love,
Krista

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The following questions were asked by a reporter for an article that she is writing regarding meditation and creating an at-home retreat. I really enjoyed corresponding with her and I thought that the Q&A would be helpful to anyone interested in guided meditation and visualization. I hope you enjoy it, and I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

Hello,

1) What is meant by guided meditation? The practice of meditation requires a place to focus one’s attention. The breath, a candle, a mantra or even looking at a blank wall is what is often used as the focus for one’s attention. In guided meditation, the instructors voice and use of guided imagery act as the focal point for the student. The sound of the instructor’s voice, the instruction given, and the guided imagery act to bring the student’s attention away from stressful thoughts and feelings, and into a very pleasant stress-free state.

2) How does meditation work to minimize stress? Stress arises from our erroneous perceptions about reality and from focusing continuously on the past and/or future. For example, each day that you leave for work you encounter traffic on the 405 freeway. As you drive towards the freeway you may begin to feel a sense of anxiety or dread because you are anticipating (future) the traffic. As you sit on the freeway, you begin thinking to yourself, “This is ridiculous. Why are there so many people in California? This shouldn’t be happing to me. I better not be late,” and so on. You may think that it is the traffic that is creating stress, when in reality it is your thoughts about the traffic that is creating your stress. Of course the argument can be made that if there wasn’t any traffic, you wouldn’t be feeling stressed. But the truth is, is that there is traffic in the moment that you are on the freeway. Meditation teaches us not only to be present to whatever is happening “now,” it also helps us to clear the lens of our perception so that we can see reality accurately. We become the watcher of our thoughts which empowers us with choice…either we can continue to complain about the traffic until we feel so badly that we make ourselves sick, or we can choose to just see reality as it is, “I am sitting in the car, there are other cars around me, my hands are on the wheel, my breath is deep, the sky is blue.” When you place your attention on what is actually happening now, the incessant chatter in the mind about what should or shouldn’t be happening stops and you begin to feel better. Without the practice of meditation, it would be difficult to have the presence of mind to watch your thoughts in this way.

All humans have what’s called in the east “monkey brain,” meaning our minds jump around continuously like a monkey. I have found that for the beginning student guided meditation is a wonderful tool that trains our ability to stabilize our minds. It also gets fast results. For the continuing student, guided meditation is fun and is a wonderful tool for self-healing. It’s important to note that when the mind begins to worry, for example, about the past or future the body does not know that the event isn’t happening now. That is, as you are anticipating and thinking about the potential traffic on the freeway, your body begins to react as if you are on the freeway now. Your heart begins to beat faster, your stomach begins to churn, your adrenal glands begin to release adrenaline, your thyroid begins to react etc… In the case of guided meditation, we use this principle to train the mind to create a sense of ease in the body. For example, if I am imagining that I am on the beach with my feet in the water and the sky is blue, my body does not know that I am not at the beach. In other words, my body will react to whatever stimulus my mind feeds it. Amazing!

3) What other benefits does meditation have? (ie, health, weight loss, etc.) How so? Deep breathing can lower blood pressure, improve digestion and help you to lose weight by oxygenating the blood and regulating the metabolism. It can help to improve brain function because deep breathing also oxygenates the brain. Deep breathing through the nose can also reduce the frequency of colds and flu because the air is warmed and filtered through the cilia in the nose, (Mother Daughter Wisdom, by Christine Northrup M.D.) There is evidence that a consistent meditation and mindfulness practice can re-wire the brain. For more information see: http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART02791/self-healing Also a consistent practice is wonderful for a better night’s sleep, again because you are learning to reduce the brain chatter (which is what keeps most American’s up at night). For more information please read my article “How to Get a Good Night’s Sleep,” at http://www.myspiritualsolutions.com/blog/ Also, guided meditation and visualization can help the body to feel very relaxed, so relaxed that it will stimulate the body’s natural healing response.

4) How does meditation make people who practice it happier? Simply, a positive outlook on life and a relaxed body and mind are two key ingredients for a happy healthy life. Meditation and Mindfulness practice helps to create both conditions.

5) How can someone who lacks mediation experience try out a meditation practice during a one-week at-home retreat? I always encourage my students to create a sacred space at home. A sacred space is a small area made especially for their practice or study/reading. In this space there may be a special cushion or chair, a shawl or blanket to wrap themselves in and maybe a table where they place a candle and maybe some incense. If they haven’t meditated before they can purchase a guided meditation CD (I have one for sale at the gift shop on the first floor of the BCHD building) to guide them into a space of calm and relaxation.

Would you please walk me through a simple meditation how-to? Meditation can be frustrating without the guidance of an instructor, so I like to give my students a very simple exercise when they are just beginning: Before beginning a formal meditation practice, try this: Turn on some pleasant music, dim the lights and lie on the floor and place your hands on your stomach. Inhale slowly through the nose allowing the belly to rise on the inhale and hold the breath briefly. Next, exhale slowly through the nose, and hold the exhale briefly-that’s one round. Do 5 to 10 rounds, focusing your attention on the feeling of the breath and the rise and fall of your hands on your stomach.

I hope you find this information useful.

Many blessings,

Krista

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“Like the body needs sleep the mind needs rest also”–Swami Adiswarananda Guided Meditation, Visualization and Mindfulness with Krista Magidson 

Commonly Asked Questions about Meditation and Mindfulness 

1. “What is Meditation?”  Meditation is simply the practice of being here now.  It is the practice where we learn to release ourselves from the burden of past and the anticipation of the future. 
2. “How does ‘being here now’ create better health and wellbeing?”  Stress and anxiety come from our mind’s tendency to be focused on thoughts and images about our past and/or the future. When we move our attention away from these thoughts and images then what’s left is no-stress, just the present moment. 
3. “Is Meditation Religious?”  Typically the purpose of meditation is two-fold:
   1. To use it as a tool to help you manage everyday stress—these are short term solutions where you’ll learn various breathing techniques, toning, simple stretching exercises and affirmations and/or to use it as a tool for personal transformation.  However, meditation in and of it self is not religious and it is non-dogmatic, although you could use it in conjunction with an already established religious practice.
4. “What are you going to teach us in this class?”  My intention with this class is to address both aspects of meditation, with specific emphasis on explaining and experiencing the three aspects of mind: Ego (Reactive/Thinking Mind), Personal/Witnessing Mind and Impersonal/Higher Mind, to teach the methods of acquiring long term stress relief, how to be deeply relaxed and yet alert, to enhance your knowledge of the body/mind, to deepen your natural intuitive abilities and to activate the body’s natural resources for self-healing.  It has been my experience that guided meditation and visualization are not only enjoyable but are extremely helpful to center even the most active mind.
5. “What if Guided Meditation and Visualization doesn’t work for me?”  It is important to note that there are many forms of meditation practice and practitioners so it’s perfectly alright if this class and this method doesn’t work for you. 
6. “What topics will we cover?”  Topics will include: 
   1. The nature of stress—Closing the Stress Gap
   2.  Thoughts, Emotions and the Physiological Loop
   3. The three fold nature of the Mind (ego, witness, higher mind)
   4. How to build and support a consistent meditation practice at home.
7. “I have trouble keeping my mind focused, so making my mind go blank seems impossible.  Will this interfere with my practice?”  Meditation is not about willing your mind to go blank…this will create tension and stress in the body/mind.  In this practice you learn very simple techniques that will help you to move your attention away from the thoughts and into the refuge of the body and the sanctuary of the breath.  The guided visualization portion of this class will be especially helpful in training your attention to remain in the present moment as well as helping you to feel really good and relaxed. 
8. “What if I fall asleep during class?”  It is normal to dose-off during class.  However, if you find that you are falling asleep consistently, then practice keeping your eyes slightly open during the meditation and sitting in an upright position.
9. “Sometimes I feel discomfort while meditating.  Am I doing something wrong?”  It is also very normal to feel discomfort during meditation.  You may feel anxious, your limbs may fall asleep and your back may hurt from sitting. In addition you may find it difficult to concentrate or to follow the flow of the meditation.   This is normal and will ease as the class goes on. 

10. “What is Mindfulness?”  St. Theresa of Avila said that, “mindfulness is not the same as thinking.”  To be mindful is to be aware, when we practice mindfulness we practice doing one thing at a time.  For example, when you are eating you pay attention to each bite, when your child is speaking you look her in the eye and listen, when you are driving you are not talking on the phone, etc… Mindfulness is surrendering to each moment, moment by moment by moment.  In time this surrendering becomes a way of entering into the arena of life thoughtfully, compassionately and joyously.  With mindfulness practice the entire world becomes the object of your practice. 
11. “What are the benefits of Guided Meditation, Visualization and Mindfulness?
    1. Relaxation
    2. Stress Reduction
    3. Clearer thinking, focus and concentration
    4. Emotional stability
    5. Physical well being
    6. Compassion
    7. Empathy
    8. Joy
    9. Freedom from the burden of the mind
    10. Inner Peace

A few comments on proper breathing… 

1. “What is the proper way to breathe?”  In this class we practice the yogic style of breathing.  You always inhale through the nose allowing the belly to expand first, then the ribs and then the chest.  On the exhale the chest falls, ribs collapse and belly moves towards the spine.
2. “It’s easier for me to take a deep breath when I suck in my stomach and puff out my chest.”  This is a very common comment.  In yogic breathing the idea is to reconnect with the natural way of breathing.  If you watch a baby while she’s asleep her tummy rises and falls.  Her breaths are full and deep and easy.    Shallow breathing is a learned behavior.  If you are mindful, you’ll notice that you hold your breath throughout the day especially when stressed.  Shallow breathing is synonymous with imbalance, while natural breathing is synonymous with balance.
3. “But it feels uncomfortable when I breathe in this way.”  This is because you are not used to utilizing your full lung capacity.  When you breathe deeply and fully, you have to stretch your intercostal muscles (the ones between the ribs) to expand your lungs fully.  Balance is natural for you.  Within a couple of weeks deep breathing will once again be second nature.  
4. In short, please breathe in and out through your nose, taking the breath all the way down to the belly unless otherwise directed (there is a technique where we exhale the mouth).
5. “Are there any other reasons why I should breathe in and out through my nose?” Yes, breathing through the nose: 
   1. Makes exercise mush easier because it restores sympathetic/parasympathetic balance so that you finish a workout energized, not exhausted.
   2. Keeps the rib cage flexible.  As a result, lung capacity is optimized and you can oxygenate your body and brain more efficiently.
   3. Minimizes occurrence of colds and sinus infections, because air that is breathed into your lungs through the nose has been warmed and filtered by the cilia in your nasal passages.
   4. Improves metabolism because the better aeration of the lungs oxygenates the blood and burns calories more efficiently.  (Mother Daughter Wisdom by Christiane Northrup, M.D.)

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Presently I’m teaching a series of classes based on the book, ”The Amazing Power of Your Emotions,” by Ester and Jerry Hicks.  During one of the class sessions, someone asked how the concept of karma relates to the Law of Attraction.  More specifically, she wanted to know how does all the baggage we carry with us from life time to life time (i.e.,  the typical Western view of karma) affect the idea that we can of think our way into better health, better relationships and more wealth.  In other words, what happens to all of our emotional and psychological and spiritual baggage? Do we just think it away?  Or does it continue to haunt and pester us no matter how positively we think?  This is such a fantastic question, one that will clarify the role our past has in creating a happy future. 

 Karma means action in Sanskrit.  Unfortunately, karma is often seen from a perspective that limits it to a kind of fate, ”my car was stolen because I must have stolen someone else’s vehicle in a previous lifetime…it’s my karma.” The Law of Attraction on the other hand, seems to discount the very popular notion that in order to understand the present and create a better future we need to delve into and understand our past. It appears then that The Law of Attraction is always leaning forward and our karma keeps us with one foot in the past.

Working with Our Karma 

Karma is the habitual ways  in which we view ourselves and the world; it is the unconscious modes of behavior that we have inherited.  Biologically we have  inherited many traits and habits, for example inheriting your Grandmother’s temperament as well as her eyes. We also ”…inherit the eyes that we are seen with,” as Dr. Stephen Cope discusses in his wonderful book, “Yoga and the Quest for the True Self.”  That is, in addition to our biological inheritance,  how we see ourselves and our world is determined by how we are seen by those closest to us and by how our society sees us also.  How many African American men have you heard say that when they walk past a woman she grabs hold of her purse? If a young black man is seen as a menace by society then that world view often times becomes a filter for how he sees himself and the world he lives in.  Contemplate how it would feel to walk by someone who  looked at you with fear and suspicion? Would you feel angry, indifferent, defiant? Or would you implode taking it all in allowing it mold your deepest feelings about who you are?  Then ask yourself what action (karma) would arise from those feelings, from that viewpoint, from an unconscious sense of self derived from an outsiders view of you?  Perhaps there is a situation in your life that is more personal and immediate, one that allows you to see that who you think you are, is really tied to the things that your mother or father has said about you and to you. The truth is, is that we all share in this reality and this is the basis for most of our personal and collective suffering, wrong view. 

Karma is also the energy that moves through us and like a magnet it attracts more of the same to us.  We call this aspect of karma, the Law of Cause and Effect, what comes around goes around, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  According to this law,  if we are silently or not so silently indifferent, we will, through our actions, attract that same indifference to us.  We will create for ourselves a world of apathy where nothing every moves, or breathes or lives. If on the other hand we are aware of our feelings of indifference and separation or whatever, then we become the master of our destiny…we now can exercise the supreme gift of choice.

Working with Our Karma and The Law of Attraction 

Choice is the energy that drives the use of the Law of Attraction.  Like karma, the Law of Attraction is often over simplified and misunderstood.  The Law of Attraction is not just positive thinking.   Positive thinking is meaningless if we do not understand the habitual patterns and beliefs (i.e., our karma) that motivate our thoughts and actions.  This is how these two concepts of the same reality, karma and The Law of Attraction, can work together.  If you desire better healthier relationships, then you need to become aware of how you feel and you behave in your relationships.  If you desire love and support, ask yourself, “Am I loving and supportive?  Or do I have a habit of undermining myself and others in my relationships through my neediness, my anger, my sense of unworthiness?”  The Law of Attraction tells us, that we must become what it is we desire.  The Law of Cause and Effect demands it since we can only attract what is like our view of ourselves.  How can we create peace through anger and resistance?  How can we attract love when we undermine or belittle ourselves or our loved ones.

 At the core of The Law of Attraction is action, we must become, we must do, we must create the container that will hold our desire.  If you desire to lose weight, you must eat more healthfully, exercise more regularly, and create a positive mental atmosphere about your sense of well-being now.  When you do this, your body takes over, it responds to your thoughts, intentions and actions.  You don’t tell the body how to shed the pounds, you just create the conditions for the intelligence of the body to take over.  It is the same with this Law of Attraction.  You must be the architect of the container to hold what it is you desire, then the intelligence of the Universal Body will take over… and your cup will overflow with all the good you can stand!

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